Hi ladies,

Happy Monday! I received a few questions after last week's email, which is great because I know my message can be confusing at first. When my mind first started opening to the possibility that there is another way to live and stay healthy than the way I had been taught to live with regards to food/exercise and my body, I was very confused and it took me a long time to convince myself that it was worth a shot. I was very unhappy living the way I lived, thinking about food, exercise and my body size and shape every day, all day, never feeling good enough, it was exhausting so I was desperate; and still it felt scary to try something so radically different.

At the time I did not have anyone to guide me. None of the anti-diet culture movements that were out there like body positivity or intuitive eating really felt right for me. Over a few years, I read a lot of books and research papers on diet mentality/culture , food, psychology, women's bodies, how the brain works, addiction... anything I felt drawn to. I also studied numerous people like Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer and tried my best to practice their teachings. It was a messy process but it all came together in the end and I was glad I made the leap because my life was so completely transformed that it was now hard to believe how brainwashed I was by diet culture (but it starts when we're toddlers so no one is immune to it - it's our way of thinking and living).

So the first thing I want to say is that I am sharing from my personal experience and the extensive research I have done to support my experience. I didn't just take a course and then repeat what someone else told me to tell my clients. At the same time I understand that everyone's journey, our bodies and our life situations are different. I could not find one person who could tell me exactly what to do, so I understand that it is going to be the same for my clients - I cannot tell you do this and that, it worked for me so it will work for you. That's diet culture. I can point you in the right direction and give you all the tools you'll need to make your own path. I can guide you and support you, while you make your own way. This is empowering as it puts you in charge so no one will ever be able to mislead you again. Yes, it's a little scary at first but we'll take it one step at a time and you won't recognise yourself after a few months.

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One really good question I got is this: 'So all I have to do is I just connect with myself and my body will just miraculously lose weight without changing anything else?'

Of course there’s a lot more to it but connecting with yourself is where you should start. It sets a healthy relationship with yourself as a solid foundation so that you can stop mistreating & torturing yourself & your body.

It’s the opposite of diets which

1. require you to disconnect from yourself/your body and
2. are motivated by your dislike of your body, the need to change it in order to feel good. This is a very toxic relationship with yourself which is why diet mentality has a failure rate of 95%

With diet mentality, not once do we pause to check how our bodies feel and what they need, we’re totally disconnected trusting that someone else knows what our bodies need and that’s why that approach doesn’t work.

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Some of the other things that are important, that I help people with coaching around any body issues, whether it’s to gain weight or lose weight or just eat healthier/overcome any bad habits or be happier with your body, are understanding the following:

1. The processed food industry - you need to wake up to the fact that the industry does not care about your health, they’re only interested in making money and in order to do that, they try to make foods as addictive as possible. It’s not just the food itself but also packaging and marketing they use to get you hooked. (this article is a good starting point)
2. Addiction - there’s physical addiction and emotional addiction. The physical side is easier to overcome with knowledge (of what happens in the body/brain and also how/why some foods are addictive - see point 1.). Emotional addiction is a bit harder but this is where connecting with yourself is the key
3. Yourself/your behaviour - self observation is the key; you need to get to know yourself, understand your behaviour. This might sound scary but it’s really interesting and empowering. Often we laugh a lot because we all do things we’re not aware of and they seem quite ridiculous - thankfully those habits are easy to overcome with just awareness.
4. Relationship with food/exercise/your body/yourself - how we see our bodies or food is important and this is where connecting with ourselves is the key.
5. How to listen to your body and follow its guidance -This is a skill you have to learn but it’s fairly simple, just takes practice; the key to it is connecting with your body.
6. Mindfulness practices - there are tonnes of tools and practices based on mindfulness to change had habits and overcome emotional eating. Mindfulness really just mean paying attention/being aware of what you're doing right now; or you could say connecting with yourself in the moment, that's mindfulness. For example, you're about to eat a box of 6 donuts, with mindfulness, you would pause before eating and have a little dialogue with yourself. Do I really want to eat them? What happens if I don't eat them? Do I need to eat all 6? Maybe just one would be enough?
7. Basics of healthy diet - this is super simple and I am very relaxed about nutrition these days; no superfoods or even organic food required, no food plans etc (although for some it seems to suit to have a plan but then I will guide you how to make your own plan). Everybody is different as so many things influence your eating habits - health, food preferences, family/living circumstance, life style, work/daily schedule - the way you eat has to easily fit your lifestyle and it has to be enjoyable.
8. Lifestyle issues - sleep/rest, stress, work, family, joy, routine…. These are very important and often have a huge impact on your eating habits

Not all of these necessarily apply to everyone and while with some people we start with, say, emotional eating, with others it can be something practical like time management (so you have time to take care of yourself). Or there might be other issues that come up for you that aren't even listed here.

The fact is that food and exercise, and any other self-care habits, need to be viewed in the context of your life, not in isolation, because they're shaped by your lifestyle, work, schedule, mental state and so on. Someone with anxiety and depression will need a totally different approach to someone who is (currently) mentally ok. A mother with a newborn cannot follow the same programme as woman with no kids and if that woman is working long hours often travelling, she cannot be expected to prep meals like someone whose work is based at home.

You always have to look at your life situation and say, ‘This is my situation right now,’ and then ask, ‘What can I do to take better care of myself in these circumstances, in a way that doesn’t add more pressure but actually feels good?’

I could go on for ages; this is such a huge and a very nuanced topic but we'll stop here for now. Hopefully I've given you some food for thought for this week.

If you have any questions, please email me. I'll share more in my WhatsApp group again this week and maybe on Instagram as well, so please stay tuned. If you're interested in coaching, please email me to discuss.

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Have a great week

Tina x